ive been so wrapped in my thoughts, i completely forgot its already december ._.
this blog sucks right?
ughhhhhhhh.
well me and jeremy are still broken up.
hes harassing me. keeps calling me. he is driving me insane.
i wish i never loved him, and i wish i never talked to him.
he just wont leave me alone. i dont know what to do.
------
school is a complete fail.
like.............a lost cause.
but im really trying to keep my head up.
school just stresses me out so bad i want to scream.
but i want this diploma. i really want this.
i wont give up......i just cant...not yet =/
i decided to go to community college & finish my general courses.
and come back to columbia to finish my art courses. so i can get the hell out of there & fucking GET MY DIPLOMA.
----------
i made a promise to myself.
that by the time i turn 21, i will have my life in order.
job. car. home. school.
i am so fucking determined to achieve this goal.
its so important to me that i get these things..........i feel like a useless adult.
i feel like a kid. and im not anymore.
its time to stop depending on mommy & start growing up.
dont want to end up like my brother....
its hard work, lot of saving, but i can do it.
i long to be independent.
---------
i learned to stop looking for love. love just finds me somehow.
love has hurt me, broke me, betrayed me, and lied to me.
but this new love is......different.
thats pretty much all i have to say on this matter.
had to vent.
thanks for reading.
i try and not post alot of personal depressing shit on here but.........whats the point in having a diary when you cant let out your feelings?
i know these may not seem like MAJOR problems to any of you but.....dont judge a book by its cover.
its more to it than you think.
I feel you on the school situation. To make it worse I have my dad jumping on back every minute about it making me feel worse. At some points I feel like a failure and I've hardly begun. I realize too that I am not a kid anymore but I wish not to loose the kid in me. But now I feel even more of a looser b/c you said you wish to have your life in order and independent by 21. Well I'm 21 and it's as hectic as ever so I feel like...am I supposed to have those things by now too? B/c I most surely don't v.v For some reason though I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm hoping to get there soon. But just know hardships in life don't stop at a certain age. It's one adventure after another.
ReplyDelete<3333333333333 i fuckin love you
ReplyDeleteIf We didn't Have hardships life wouldn't be interesting! Stay strong Tomo~ Be the headstrong person we all know you are! Jeremy-Don't even think about him! Your prince charming will be here soon! School-DON'T GIVE UP! If you give up on your schooling then you give up on your dreams to pursue special effects makeup! I'm behind you all the way Tomasa! TOMO FIGHTING!
ReplyDeletei wanted to have a nice job(not my career or anything yet) by now, and look where i am at.
ReplyDeletei also feel like a failure at times as well. 21 is still a pretty young age, thank goodness youre not like 30 and have the same dilemma.
i just wish i had a steady job so i can TRY to get somewhere >.>